Being Right All the Time Sucks

Sometimes I hate when I’m right. It puts me in a bad position. Recently, being right hurt someone I care a lot about.

As predicted in last week’s post, I busted Jane for being on Facebook chat the minute her father and I left for work yesterday. Her father had grounded her less than a week ago from all things internet for a month. I caught her in her brother’s room two days later – she jumped from the side of his room with the computer on it to the side with the tv and DVD player as I was coming down the stairs. She tried to sit on the couch very nonchalantly but I’m not stupid. I know what she was up to, but I let it go.

But yesterday morning I checked her Facebook account and there it was: she had left a message box open in which she was begging one of her friends to talk to her. Time? 6:47 AM. (We had left for work at 6:30 AM).

I sent an email note to my hubby with the conversation copied. Just in case she tried to bullshit her way out of it, I even sent him a screenshot of the message left open.

Her actions don’t surprise me anymore. They really don’t. She doesn’t give a flying f*ck about anything her father says to her. Punishments mean nothing to her. As previously mentioned, she always finds a way to get around them.

But on Saturday I found something that I wish I hadn’t. I found a school assignment on her bed, unfinished. A speech she wrote on ‘who I admire the most’.

Guess who she admires the most?

That’s right, friends and neighbours: her mother.

Then I made a really bad decision. I showed the assignment to her father.

In the speech, Jane writes about what little she knows of her mom’s life, the schools she attended but never graduated from, the name of the restaurant where she now works as a waitress, the names of her four brothers and of her mom’s boyfriend.

But really - the reason she admires her mom the most? Because (and I am quoting here) “when I was sick in the hospital she came to see me as much as she could even though she had four other children at home”.

Um…. Excuse me? What fucking planet do you live on, kid?

The back story is this: when Jane was 7 or 8 (I wasn’t around so pardon me if the timing is off a bit) she developed an abscess on her leg. It was incredibly serious. Her father – who has a medical and nursing background - insisted that she be transferred from the local hospital in Bville to the children’s hospital here. As soon as she was admitted he was with her. FOR THE ENTIRE TWO WEEKS SHE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL. He never left. Even though he was self-employed at the time, and lost two full week’s pay, he did not leave her. He was with her during all her tests, needles and treatments. He fought with the nurses when he disagreed with what they were doing, and provided support to Jane when she was scared of the needles. He slept in her room on a cot. I think he went to his apartment twice in those two weeks.

Jane’s mom? Visited from Bville twice. Twice in two weeks. And for a while, the situation with Jane was critical – I think she was even in a coma at one point. Again, not having been there, I can’t be certain of all the details.

Oh, and there weren’t four other kids at home at the time this happened – there were only three. The youngest wasn’t even conceived yet.

But I digress….

Reading this assignment hurt my husband. A lot. More, I think, than he admitted to me. He was hurt that the person Jane admires most is her mother, whom he considers to be a very weak person.

But I understand why Jane chose her mother: Jane doesn’t really know anyone else. She would never say she admires her father or me the most because, let’s face it – we’re mean. She used to write in her journal how much she hated me. ‘I hate Heather’ was written all over her journal. Why? Because I usually do 90% of the child care in the house because of my husband’s work schedule so the punishing and grounding (and policing) fell to me. She would NEVER write that she hated her father, so I was the scapegoat.

She doesn’t get along well enough with her grandmother (they both have bitchy attitudes and are exactly alike so they spark off each other). Jane has one aunt that is stay-at-home with three kids of her own. She doesn’t know her aunt very well.

So then – who else would she write about? Since she’s lived with us, her mother has been the shining star. No matter what terrible things she has done lately (moving 12 hours away, not returning phone calls, no contact for weeks, etc.) it doesn’t matter. Jane is smitten with her mother.

It makes sense when you think about it. Her mother doesn’t punish her. Her mother doesn’t make her write apology notes to her French teacher. Her mother doesn’t take away her hair straightener or the internet or her phone privileges. Her mother doesn’t tell her that she’s too young to have a boyfriend. In fact, I hear Jane telling her mother all about her boyfriend troubles when she’s on the phone with her. So it’s only natural that Dad is now the ‘bad guy’.

And he told me last night, after his talk with Jane about the Facebook thing, that he’s done dealing with her. He told her to make a choice – live here by his rules or she can go live with her mother.

He didn’t say it meanly, of course. Those of you who know my husband may be shocked to realize that he is a rational man when it comes to serious discussions. He doesn’t yell. He doesn’t raise his voice. He speaks calmly and clearly. And, as a woman, it’s really annoying to fight with someone who speaks so rationally and calmly all the time.

As I only heard the conversation from his point of view – and parts of it - I can’t report everything that was said. I do know that tears were shed. But there was no anger in his voice.

Only disappointment.

He got Jane’s standard ‘I don’t know” answer to why she was doing stuff once again that she had been told not to do. It’s really nothing new.

So he told her – calmly, nicely – that perhaps she would be happier living with her mother and her brothers. Perhaps since she admires her mom so much she should be with her. He told her to take her time and make a decision if she wants to go live with her – even so far as to ask her to call her mom and talk to her about it.

Of course more tears ensued. But fellow readers - you know, and I know – she won’t say to her father that she wants to go live with her mother. Even if she really, really wants to.

Because she’s scared.

She’s scared that her father will never let her come back to visit if she decides to go live with her mother, which is ridiculous. She’s scared because she will have to transfer schools and will have to make new friends in a new city. Which she had to do when she moved with us two and a half years ago.

She’s scared, because she will feel rejected by her father. Which I don’t understand at all, because she seems to be rejecting him every chance she gets.

Between you and me, I want her to go live with her mother. Send her there at Christmas and have her switch schools then. It’s not because I dislike her – although she does everything in her power to try to make that happen. It’s because I really do think she would be happier there. Happier to be with her mom. Happier to be with her younger brothers. Happier to not have two dogs. Happier to be once again the only girl in a house full of boys. Happier to share confidences with her mom that she won’t share with her father – or with me, for that matter.

Sure, she’ll miss her friends. She might even miss her brother. Maybe even her dad, once things settle down.

But she’ll make new friends. She did it when she moved with us two and a half years ago, so she can do it again.

But she won’t make that decision. She’ll say she wants to live here, her dad will talk again to her about her attitude and stuff but nothing will change. The cycle will start all over again.

I think my husband needs to just send her to live with her mom – to take the choice away from Jane. It seems as though she is doing everything she can to push herself away from him. I think – and you know how I am a great armchair shrink – that she wants to go live with her mom badly but is afraid of the ramifications of making that decision. So she constantly acts out with bad behaviour so that her father will make her go live with her mom, making HIM the bad guy. Jane will get the ‘poor me’ story of how her father sent her to live with her mother because he doesn’t love her and oh isn’t that terrible.

A few of my friends have told me they can’t believe how much of a bitch Jane is all the time. Really though, she’s not.

She’s just a scared little girl, who doesn’t know who she is. There’s not a doubt in my mind that if we went back in time two and a half years, and gave the kids the choice of where to live, Jane would have chosen to stay with her mom instead of coming to live with us.

She’s just too scared right now to say those words to her father. So I say make the choice for her. Make plans and arrangements for her to go live with her mom. Not as a punishment, but because it really is the best thing for everything right now.

But you know and I know that will never happen. My husband won’t send her to live with her mother, and Jane isn’t going to suddenly change her sneaky ways.

So the big question I send out to cyberspace is….

Now what?

Happy Halloween!

Halloween is tomorrow night, and even though the kids have been talking about it for weeks now, there seems to be no excitement left in them.

It’s the night before and neither kid has a costume prepared.

Personally, I think that Marvin is too old, at 14, to be trick-or-treating. Sorry, but if you are shaving – even if only your sideburns every four days – then you are too old to still trick-or-treat.

Jane is just plain lazy. As previously posted, hubby has restricted her internet access and friend access for one month due to her recent behaviour. He is, on my advice (I’m Not The Wicked Stepmother, remember?), allowing both kids who are grounded this weekend to go out trick-or-treating, provided they go with friends in the neighbourhood (I suggested their punishment be that they had to go out trick or treating TOGETHER. We had a good chuckle over that but then decided it was actually too cruel.) Going out in the neighbourhood is no problem for Marvin, but pisses Jane off because not many of her friends live near us. This is exactly why we put that rule in place, since her so-called BFFs have been the bad influence on her behaviour lately.

“Well I guess I can’t go out then,” she stated, “because I have no one to go with around here.”

Complain, complain, and complain. NOTHING ever pleases her. From the kitchen I piped up, “gee, thanks Dad for letting me go out trick-or-treating even though I’m grounded”.

Marvin, smart boy that he is, parroted, “thanks Dad.” See? He gets it.

But Jane remained silent. Until the talk about costumes came up.

“I’m going to go as Barbie” she stated.

Sure, I thought, that fits you to a “T”.

Both kids though, expect us to go to the store and buy a costume for them, and this is where I put my foot down.

Do you remember being a kid? Do you remember how your moms and grandmas used to work for weeks on your Halloween costume? Even now, as an adult, I won’t buy myself a costume. I’ve had a bunch of great costumes as an adult, and am sad to report that I don’t have photos from some of the parties I attended while wearing them. I recycled my prom dress, bought a brown wig and a big straw hat and went as Scarlett O’Hara once. One year – during my red hair days – I wore one of my old ‘80s dresses and went as Dorothy. Four years ago I did the ‘Slutty Schoolgirl’ thing, (to an adult-only party) but only because I happened to have all the stuff for it at home (please don’t ask why). Two years ago I went as CSI Catherine Willows, and I have to say, that was one of the easiest –and best – costumes I’ve ever put together. I even came in second place in a Best Costume contest but lost out to a half-naked Xena the Warrior Princess. Come on, NO ONE can beat a half-naked warrior princess!

This year I’ll be wearing a God-awful hippie outfit that I put together from pieces I bought at a second hand store years ago for a Murder Mystery party. Jane even wore that outfit four years ago – although her Dad shortened the pants so that the she didn’t trip over herself.

Now, the kids expect us to just go to the store and buy them a costume, which we won’t do. Half the fun is putting the costume together with stuff you find at the house. We’ve given them tons of suggestions – Hobo, Doctor (wearing Dad’s scrubs and a mask), Scarecrow, Dead Prom Queen, Zombie…but nothing is good enough.

They’ve got 24 hours to come up with something, so I’m sure the panic will be on, especially since I also told them that I’ll get them a wig or some makeup to complete their outfits, but I am not going to any Halloween stores after 10 AM tomorrow. The crowds will be insane.

I’ll post some photos of me from Halloweens past, if I can find any, and photos of the kids if they end up figuring out their costumes.

‘Til next time…. Happy Halloween!

Take a Breath

I work in a hospital library, and lately the information swirling on the internet and in the news about H1N1 has gone through the roof. There are tons of articles in the newspapers about the dangers of vaccinations, and a lot of unnecessary panic is going on, in my opinion.

This is not directed to any one person, so if what I am about to write offends you, I apologize in advance. No, I am not a medical professional, nor do I play one on TV. I do not have any inside scoop on the ‘pandemic’, nor am I giving any advice. What you are about to read is strictly my own personal opinion. Read at your own risk.

People, take a breath and calm the fuck down.

Yes, two previously healthy children have died recently from H1N1. This is tragic and I can’t imagine what their families are going through right now. But worrying and stressing about H1N1 isn’t going to make the situation any better for you or for your family.

Yes, the schools are reporting a higher than average absentee rate. But think for a minute. Why are these kids absent? What ages are they? Are they really sick, or are they teenagers who know that their parents are panicking so they are using this situation to fake illness to get a couple of extra days off school? “Mom, Billy is home with H1N1 and I don’t feel well, cough, cough..” I’m sure that accounts for a couple of absent kids per class per day. What about the parents who are completely freaked out by the whole situation and have taken their healthy kids out of school “just in case”? I’m sure that accounts for another couple of kids per class per day. What about the kids who have a sniffle – just a sniffle – and maybe a fever. Yes, fever is a terrible thing for young children to have. They may have the flu – they may have the cold. As a precaution, their parents have taken them out of school, so that if they are sick – even just a cold – they are not spreading it to otherwise healthy kids. (Bravo to these parents.)

Take all of this into account when you hear that 20- 25% of kids are absent from school.

Hospitals are not even testing for H1N1 anymore unless the person/child requires hospitalization. Parents are rushing their kids to the Emergency Department when they start running a slight fever. Why? All that will happen is that you will wait for hours and hours for someone to tell you to go home, rest and drink lots of liquids.

From what I have read (again: this is MY opinion, not medical advice) the main differential between H1N1 and the regular old flu is respiratory distress. Shortness of breath. If someone has a fever, and aches and coughing but otherwise can breathe normally than they do not have H1N1. (I repeat: my opinion only. I am not referencing anything.)

I have a secret to share with you all: my husband, who works directly with patients in another hospital, had H1N1 last month.

Did we panic? No. We didn’t even tell the kids. For all they knew, their dad was just sick. (All we needed was for them to tell all their friends at school that their dad had H1N1 and start a mass panic in their classrooms. It worked – they had no idea and never mentioned it.) We thought it was just a regular cold ourselves until the fifth day when my husband, who has asthma issues on occasion, was having trouble breathing. I could see that even while he was just sitting on the couch next to me watching TV he sometimes couldn’t catch his breath. So he called his Occupational Health department at the hospital where he works, and after a very long list of questions they determined that he had H1N1. They told him to stay off work until 24 hours after his last fever or symptom, which in his case was 8 days in total.

That was it. No trip to the doctor, no test. Just stay home and rest. If he was having severe breathing problems we would have taken him to the hospital but with rest and fluids it cleared up, even with his pre-existing asthma problems.

Neither myself, nor the kids caught anything. We washed our hands. We used Purell. My husband did the same. We’re all fine now. I plan to get the kids vaccinated, and I will get vaccinated here at work later this week.

André Picard is an award winning health journalist at the Globe and Mail. He wrote a great article about what’s going on regarding H1N1. Take a moment to read it if you have time.

All I am saying is stop and calm down. Relax. Panicking and stressing will not prevent you or your family from getting sick.

Being properly informed, however… just might.

New Day, Old Problems

Last week Jane brought home a ‘Letter of Concern’ from her French teacher. This letter is intended to inform parents when a student is struggling to achieve results academically and the teacher cares enough to talk to the parents about the situation.

According to Jane, her teacher, Mrs. W “hates” her.

My husband received the letter and took it with a grain of salt, because the main concern the teacher had was with Jane’s attitude. Which, as we all know from reading this blog, is a concern to us all. He wasn’t convinced that Jane’s attitude was as bad as the teacher was making it out to be. Jane only got one letter from one teacher out of five. So, he thought, maybe it was just a bad mix of Jane and Mrs. W.

He thought that, until he spoke to Mrs.W this morning.

Apparently Jane’s attitude in French class is worse than it is at home. She walks by the teacher’s desk and says to Mrs. W sarcastically, “you’re my favourite teacher”, then laughs hysterically with her friends.

And no, before Jane can say that Mrs. W “is out to get” her, she’s not. Mrs. W actually stuck up for Jane, telling my husband that it’s not Jane who is really the culprit, it’s one of her friends who puts her up to it. And Jane, of course, is a follower. She always has been. So Jane’s “friend” K giggles with Jane in class and together they are a bad combination.

Last Thursday there was much drama in our house. A girl that Jane isn’t friends with spread a rumour on MSN and at school that Jane was pregnant. Personally, I didn’t think it was such a big deal as it’s obviously not true, but I am also not a 12 year old girl. So this girl, L was called into the school office and Jane went to see the counselor about it. Dad was contacted, and he went to the school on Friday to see how the school was going to handle the situation.

Now because there was no “proof” that L was the one who actually started the rumour, there isn’t a lot they can do. And honestly, between you and me, although she complained about it, I think Jane loved the attention. I was on her Facebook page on Thursday after this happened and she was chatting away with people about it. She didn’t seem to be upset by the whole thing, especially when her friends said were going to ‘go take care of L” for her. I think she was loving being the centre of attention, and that my friends, is what worries me the most out of this situation. She was on the phone, on MSN, on Facebook… even though she had strict instructions to NOT speak to anyone about the situation, Jane was milking it with her friends.

How this is all connected to the Letter of Concern (bear with me, I’m getting to it) is that Jane claimed that one of her friends still had the MSN conversation where L first mentioned the pregnancy rumour. Yesterday, Jane brought the printout home, and it’s not really clear who said what to whom. But one thing my husband noticed is that this K girl from French class was part of that conversation. So now my husband is wondering if in fact the K girl was being a shit disturber in the whole fiasco and not just the innocent bystander Jane thinks she is.

Jane is well-known for making bad friend choices. The friends of hers that we like, she doesn’t hang out with. Instead she chooses kids that we get “bad” feelings about. Not that the kids are in any way misbehaving when we see them, it’s more a gut feeling that things aren’t what they seem. And, as it turns out, we’ve been right on numerous occasions.

But that doesn’t matter to Jane. She’s not a bad kid. Really she isn’t. She just doesn’t know yet what friendship means and is too easily swayed by peer pressure.

Her dad is once again taking away her internet privileges. Personally I don’t know why he bothers. He’ll take it away tonight but I guarantee tomorrow when we leave for work at she’ll be downstairs on her brother’s computer at 7:15 AM checking her email and Facebook. We simply can’t control this kid. No matter what we take away from her, she always finds a way to do anyway. We simply aren’t home enough to keep an eye on her 24/7.

My suggestion is instead of taking away her internet, which we can’t control when we aren’t home, is to take away things that matter more to her. Halloween is on Saturday. Sorry – no parties or trick-or-treating for you. You love having straight hair? Bye-bye hair straighteners (and I know some good hiding places so she can’t find them, even if she looks).

Deep down, the sad thing is that none of these punishments or lectures is going to change a single thing. Jane will always be a follower. She follows whoever is cool, whoever is popular, regardless of the consequences.

Just think: next year, she’s in high school. F*ck.

Are there still any convents around?

A Double Standard

How come when a father does not pay support for his children (whether court-ordered or not), when he does not see, call, email or even contact his children on a regular basis, he is considered a ‘dead-beat dad”. Yet when a woman does the same thing it’s okay?

My loyal readers know that the kids have been living with us for two and a half years now, since the night their mother called my husband from a shelter telling him she was afraid to go home. (I won’t bore you with the whole drama that ensued.)

During the time we’ve had the kids we’ve tried on numerous occasions to get her to agree to change the custody arrangement from single (her) to joint. Each time she was afraid to go to the courthouse or lawyer’s office because she was worried her boyfriend would find out. See – as of last year they were still claiming the children were living with them for income tax purposes. Nice, eh?

During this time, we’ve never asked her for support for the kids. There was a long time when my husband refused to allow the children to stay overnight at her house so long as she was with the boyfriend. So the kids would spend the weekend at their Grandparent’s house, where mom could see them with or without the boyfriend, and they could also spend time with their three brothers.

Yes. This woman (for my new readers) has five children. Two with my husband, three with the boyfriend.

Just in the past year or so have the kids been allowed to spend weekends with mom at her home. The kids even spent a month with her in the summer in B-Ville.

While the kids were with her, she would take them to the mall and to the movies. She bought them DVDs, shoes, hair accessories… small things, in the grand scheme of things, but it made the kids feel good. Special. The parental roles had suddenly reversed. Instead of dad being the ‘fun one’ who would take the kids on weekend shopping trips and adventures, it was now mom who was doing it.

In August, mom and the boyfriend and their three kids moved up North, 11 hours away from us.

And she has been pretty much MIA ever since.

She hasn’t called the kids in over two weeks. As for email? She constantly sends them jokes via email but doesn’t send a single “Hi how are you, I love you” email. (I know because I check their email accounts daily.)

Marvin is still waiting for a birthday present from her to arrive. His birthday was in early September. All he wanted from her was an iTunes gift card, which is small enough to fit into a mailed birthday card.

She doesn’t spend one single dime on these kids. It’s like the old saying goes: out of sight, out of mind.

If the situation was reversed, and it was my husband who was acting like this, he would be labeled a Dead Beat Dad.

Why then, in it okay for her to do it?

Because she has three other kids at home? Sorry – not good enough. These are your oldest kids. Technically you’ve known them longer so they should be more of a priority.

Because they are older and need her less? Sorry – Jane is turning 13 and misses her mother terribly. Marvin is at the point where he doesn’t really care anymore so she is going to lose him, and that would be a sad thing for her because he really is a good kid, when you get past the stupid teenage boy-ism he’s got going on right now.

There is simply no excuse for her behaviour. What frustrates me the most is that my husband and I are raising these kids with zero financial support from her. Why should I spend all my hard-earned cash on HER children? Yes, I knew what I was getting into when I married my husband, you argue. But really, does ANY stepmother know what she’s getting into? No. On top of the costs of food (which with two growing kids is also growing) and shelter, add to that clothing (for two kids who only want ‘skinny jeans” and name-brand wear), haircuts, shoes, winter apparel, school fees, school activities, pizza lunches, allowances, movie money…. it all adds up. To a LOT.

When the kids were smaller, my husband was paying his ex $1200 per MONTH in child support. Now to be fair he was also making more money back then compared to now, but when your kids are 8 and 7 does it really cost $1200 a month to feed and clothe them? This was a time when she also had two other young children at home.

Because of the Ontario system (don’t EVEN get me started on that) my husband had no control over where his money was spent. His ex did not have to provide receipts for daycare or clothing costs. Nothing. She spent as she wanted with no accountability.

So now, when the cost of raising these kids is much higher, she provides zero support. How is it fair that my husband and I shoulder ALL the cost? How can she allow that in good conscience?

What really burns me is that she just assumes that because I earn a good living I can support her children. That’s what pisses me off the most. I spend days trying to balance a budget so that the kids are well taken care of and all the bills are paid. Often I have no money left over for myself. My husband pays his fair share too, but the bottom line is they are his children. They are not mine. He has no control over this situation either. He can call his ex, ask her to start contributing but really, we can’t force her to fork over any money. Unless we get lawyers involved but gee, guess what? That costs money too!

The bottom line is that I don’t really want her to send us money. What would make me happy is if she sent the kids each a Walmart gift for $50 every month, (because it’s one store that is in her town as well as ours) so that her kids can buy themselves a DVD, or a pair of skinny jeans. Or some shirts. Shoes. Jackets. A pair of winter boots. Makeup. Hair products. Junk food. Whatever they want.

Is that really too much to ask? For her to let her children know that she loves them, and even though she can’t see them often, she’s thinking about them?

I guess I’m the only one smart enough to figure that out.

Condom Sense

Last week when the kids were at their Grandparents for the long weekend, I was in Marvin’s room picking up all the dirty dishes that had accumulated in there when I spotted his wallet on the windowsill.

I rolled my eyes because my husband and I have both stressed to the kids how important it is for them to carry their student cards with them at all times when they leave the house. They stare blankly at us (especially me) but we’ve explained to them that if – God forbid – they should get hit by a car walking on the side of the road and are unconscious, how will anyone know to contact us unless they have some ID on them?

So I flip through his wallet and find his two previous student cards, meaning he must have his most recent one with him in Prescott. Good.

Then I notice the bulging centre of the wallet. I open the slot and what do I find there?

Yep! You guessed it. Condoms. Two of them, in fact. Good old red-packaged Lifestyles.

For those of you keeping score at home, Marvin just turned 14 years old in September.

To say I was shocked is an understatement.

I didn’t know what to do so I took his wallet and put it in our room until my husband got home from work. I needed to think about how to handle the situation.

My husband came home from work and as usual it was crazy. I didn’t get a chance to talk to him about it in private until he went up to bed, and noticed Marvin’s wallet next to his bed.

“Why is Marvin’s wallet here?” he asked me.

“’Cause I found something interesting in it,” I replied.

“What, naked pictures?” he asked. “Condoms?”

“Yep, condoms” I said.

My husband started to shrug it off as an ‘oh well, boys will be boys’, situation, but I cut him off. I was prepared for this.

“No way are you going to just let this go. If you think it’s okay for Marvin to have condoms on him at fourteen “just in case” then you better be prepared for Jane to come to you asking to go on the pill when she turns fourteen for the same reason.”

My husband was silent for once. Score one for me!

So my husband called Marvin upstairs to talk, and I left them to their own devices.

Three minutes later it was done, Marvin was back downstairs in his room getting ready for bed.

I went back upstairs. “So?” I asked. “What’s the story?”

“No big deal,” my husband says. “Some kids dared him to buy them.”

“So then where is the third one?” I asked.

“His buddy has it.”

So apparently I am the only one who thinks this is a bit of a big deal. When I spoke to Marvin about it, he said, “just because I bought condoms doesn’t mean shit. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“Really?” I said. “It actually means a lot. It means that you are not mature enough to make good decisions. Yeah – your friends dared to you buy condoms at the store. Big deal. “It’s not illegal” as you said. But what if they dare you to buy pot from the dealer at the mini-mart? What’s to stop you from doing that?”

“They wouldn’t do that,” he said.

“Oh no?”

Marvin’s track record for making good decisions isn’t the best. A couple of months ago I was cleaning up the basement and found a half-empty bottle of beer next the sofa where the kids sit and watch TV. Again, my husband didn’t think it was a big deal, because as he says, “all kids drink their parent’s alcohol. It’s part of growing up.”

Yeah well if all the kids were jumping off the bridge, would you approve of Marvin doing it too?

If Marvin had been partying and took the beer I would have understood it. Not approved of it, but I would have understood it better. But this was a single beer that he drank on his own in the basement. No peer pressure there. Just a bad decision.

Sound familiar? Like a bad decision to go and waste money on a pack on condoms?

I know he’s hitting the age where doing what his friends want is more important to doing what his parents want.

I just wish that those they were just one and the same: simple common sense.

As my husband likes to say: “Common sense? Is NOT so common.”

One Really Isn't The Lonliest Number...

Last weekend was Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada. It was a nice weekend too, especially on Saturday.

Hubby worked the overnight shift on Friday night so he needed to sleep all day on Saturday, and I had no plans except maybe to do a little scrapbooking. The kids were with their grandparents so it was a peaceful weekend all around.

Around 10 AM I noticed that the sun was out. I put the dogs out and was surprised at how warm out it was. I looked up at the bright blue sky and thought it would be a perfect day to go take some photos of the leaves before the weather turns and they all fall off the trees.

Hubby woke a little after 10:30 and I asked if he was up for going to Gatineau. As he was disoriented from having less than three hours sleep, he declined my offer. I had a bunch of errands to do anyway so I put on my warm clothes, grabbed my list and my camera bag and headed out just before noon.

I completed my errands in record time - the stores were pretty empty. As I was driving in the west end I looked around for a good spot to take photos but I just couldn't really find one. I couldn't go to Gatineau park because I had no idea how to get there. Sure I'd been there a few times but had no idea how to drive there myself.

I was heading home, dismayed at not having found a suitable photo location when, a block from the house, it hit me. Hog's Back! It's five minutes from my house and there should be lots of interested things there to take photos of.

So I pointed the car back on to Meadowlands and headed to Hog's Back. I was psyched! When I arrived, there were a few cars in the parking area but not that many. It was still a little crisp out, but the sun was warm. A few people were tossing a Frisbee in one of the fields, and I saw a mom with two little kids on their bikes. It seemed that a lot of people had the same idea I did - to be Hometown Tourists on this beautiful Saturday in October.

And the scenery was stunning. The leaves were exploding in colour everywhere I looked.

Some photos were like postcards, and I even saw a duck butt!

After taking a bunch more photos, I headed over to Mooney's bay. The trees were just as beautiful over there, and I saw a gaggle of Canadian Geese as well.

It was the perfect time to enjoy the scenery and the weather. I walked for about an hour and a half, looking for interesting subjects to photograph. But then as the old saying goes, "if a tree falls in the forest, does anyone hear?", the same applies to photos. Too often I am the one taking the photos so I don't appear in any of them. So I found a good spot and set the camera up for one of my famous self-portraits:
All in all it was a great afternoon. I actually don't mind doing things like this on my own. A lot of people I know would never have gone out on their own without someone with them. I used to be like that too - until I booked a trip to Paris on my own to celebrate my 35th birthday. It turned out that a friend of mine met me in Paris for the week I was there so I did have someone to see the sights with, but when I booked the trip it wasn't sure if he would be there or not. I still got on the plane, flew over the big blue ocean, landed in Paris and found my way to the hotel all on my own. And I went to see Versailles and Sainte Chappelle by myself on my last full day in Paris.

Women shouldn't be afraid to do things on their own. Start by seeing a movie. Sure, it's more fun to go with friends but sometimes you can't work out schedules and sitters to find a time when it's convenient for everyone. I've been to quite a few movies on my own, and enjoyed every single moment of it. The most recent film I saw on my own was The Proposal back in June. Before that? Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Also the second and third Bourne films, Spiderman 2... and the list goes on.

The point is: don't wait. If you want to do something, just do it. If your friends or spouse can join you great, but if not - do it on your own. Don't waste your life waiting for others just so you can do something you want to do.

You are your own best friend. Take time for yourself, and stop and smell the roses sometimes.

Or in this case, the fall foliage.